Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Raw Review 7/2/2012

WWE Monday Night RAW 7/2/2012
The Laredo Energy Arena  Laredo, TX

This review is once again brought to you by Vodka, helping me forget shitty wrestling shows since I was a teenager.

All the Raw Main Eventers verbally spar to open the show

If they want to begin Raw with a bunch of talking, this is how you do it. We had Punk, Cena, Bryan, Jericho, and Kane all trading insults. Usually we only get two guys in the ring talking back and forth, by adding more personalities to the mix it was far more entertaining than the days of Cena and Orton boring the crowd in the first 10 minutes of the show.  I refer to those days as the "Dark Ages". Big Show then comes out and we have a brawl on our hands. Big Show ends up standing tall like a good heel should.

Am I the only one who already knows that Cena is going to win MITB and cash it in for a match with Punk at Summerslam? Not only would it be face vs face, but it would be a rematch of last years SS main event. And could this possibly be where Cena finally turns heel? Just think about it, Cena becomes the first man to not successfully cash in the breifcase and snaps on Punk.

I doubt they will do this, but how awesome would it be? Cena is beyond stale and the hardcore audience has been begging for him to 'Go to the Darkside' for years. Time to pull the trigger in my book.

I enjoyed the shit out of this segment. Just a really good way to open the show.

Eight Man Tag: Christian, Santino, Kofi Kingston, and R-Truth vs The Primetime Players, Cody Rhodes, and David Otunga

It's good to see R-Truth back from his injury. I was starting to think they were just going to go back to ignoring the Tag Division. Glad that's not the case, but I still see "Trouble in Little Jimmy's Paradise" dropping the belts to The Primetime Players, probably at the Pay Per View in an unadvertised match. Dark Ages indeed...

Finish: The Primetime Players and Rhodes both leave Otunga during the match (Can you blame them?). Then out comes Brodus Clay to make sure Otunga doesn't take off too. Otunga then suffers the Cobra to end it.

Winners: Christian, Santino, Kofi, and Truth

Post Match: Christian hits Otunga with the Killswitch, followed by a Big Splash from Clay. They then dance with a bunch of kids '95 Shawn Michales style. I hate children.

Alberto Del Rio vs Sin Cara

Del Rio destoyed Sin Cara before the match could begin. Can you say burial?

Winner: No Contest

Paul Heyman responds to Triple H's challenge

So Brock will be at the 1000th Raw (AKA 999th episode in reality) to give Triple H his answer.

This is pretty much non-news. I figured that is when Lesnar would make his return. But in order to get some heat back on this feud they need to have Lesnar make it personal. And I think the perfect way to do this is to have Brock destroy Shawn Michaels. And if not HBK, then another one of Hunter's Klique buddies.

The issue between these two has been deflating ever since Brock broke Triple H's arm. They need to go big, and go big soon. And if they are holding off until July 23rd to have Lesnar back on TV, there won't be much time to get it done. And just imagine the sympathy that a guy like Michales could invoke by being taken out by Lesnar. Or even Sean Waltman for that matter. We will just have to wait and see.

Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guererro vs Sheamus & AJ

AJ is looking good tonight, or is it just that she looks good in comparison to Vickie? I know that Guererro gives my buddy Chris Berg huge boners, but he's gay so what does he know? #Burn

As for the match, it was just a collection of Ziggler selling dirt to the homeless. What's new?

Finish: Ziggler takes a Brogue Kick to the outside, and AJ hits Vickie with a Shining Wizard to get the win.

Winners: Sheamus & AJ

Heath Slater vs Doink The Clown

I don't remember Doink ever wrestling in Walmart sneakers. I guess you learn something new everyday.

Finish: Slater with a Neckbreaker gets the duke.

Winner: Heath Slater

Post Match: Out comes Diamond Dallas Page!! He throws up the Diamond sign with Slater before hitting him with the Diamond Cutter.

Page still looks great considering he was already in his fourties when he was on top in WCW. I wouldn't mind seeing him have one more run, unless he plans on putting over David Arquette again. In that case he can die in a fire. #FuckYouBealer

No Disqualifacations: The Big Show vs Kane

Where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, at least three times a year since 1998. Silly me.

Finish: Show Chokeslams Kane onto a chair to get the win.

Winner: The Big Show

Remember when Kane returned as a monster heel and was terrorizing everyone in sight? Yeah, I don't either.

Tyson Kidd vs Tensai

Finish: Tyson Kidd with the quick roll up.

Winner: Tyson Kidd

Post Match: Tensai smacks around his follower.

This wasn't much of a match, but the fact that they're building Tyson Kidd has me thrilled. They guy is a fantastic wrestler who should've been pushed two years ago when they split up The Hart Dynasty. They had a chance to build up both him and DH Smith back then, but ended up releasing Smith and sticking Tyson on Superstars. They had something with both guys, and I don't know WWE has waited this long to capitalize on Kidd.

Back from the break Tensai destroys Kidd in the lockroom

How long has it been since we saw a good old locker room beat down? Too long is the answer. It seemed fresh and I have to say I liked it. It reminded me of back in 1988 when Randy Savage attacked Hulk Hogan in the lead up to wrestlemania 5. We need more segments like this, I am so tired of seeing the grey hallways in the backstage areas.

CM Punk & John Cena vs Chris Jericho & Daniel Bryan

Great match to end Raw, and when is the last time I said that? I mean go figure, you put a great match at the end of Raw and people respond, it's not rocket surgery. I hope with Raw going three hours in two weeks that they will remember this. I am so worried that WWE is going to stuff those shows with so much filler that is will ruin the pacing of the show. Whenever they've done three hour shows in the past they've done just that.

But I can't praise this match enough. It was a far cry from being Cena vs Cole II.

Finish: Cena & Jericho brawl to the back apparently to watch an advance screening of No Hold Barred on Blu Ray. This leaves Punk & Bryan to fight it out in the ring. Before long, out comes AJ who searches out, and sets up a table. She then procedes to threaten to commit tablecide, as she climbs the ropes and stares down at the table below. Daniel Bryan then tries to talk her down, followed by Punk. AJ then plants a wet one on Punk, before pushing him off the apron into Bryan, causing both men to go through the table. AJ looks to be happy with her actions as the show goes off the air.

Winners: No Contest

Final Verdict: This was a pretty damn good episode of Raw. I can't really complain too much about any segment on this show. I was entertained throughout, and that's all we can ask for, right?

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