Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Raw Review 6/11/2012

WWE Monday Night RAW  6/11/2012
The XL Center Hartford, CT.

Vince McMahon's job performance review of John Lauriniatis.

So VKM says Big Johnny has to impress him tonight or he is FIRED!!! Wow, 2004 called and it wants it's wrestling angle back. They did this exact same thing with McMahon and Eric Bischoff. I guess WWE is now reusing their storylines in 8 year cycles.

Vince then says that Laurinaitis "Hired the wrong one legged wrestler". I wonder if Zach Gowen has any aloe for that BURN!! Gowen recently completed a stay in rehab on WWE's dime. So I guess Vince feels he can mock him all he wants.

Vince then pushes Johnny's scooter off of the stage to prove that he is the biggest bully in the company, as if making fun of the handicapped wasn't enough. Be A Star, Vince.

Non-Title: Sheamus© vs Tensai

This match wasn't half bad for what it was. In fact this match probably had the best booking that Tensai has had in WWE yet. Just a good old slobber knocker. And Sheamus' busted up face showed it.

Finish: Sheamus Brogue Kicks the hell out of Tensai to pick up the win.

Winner: Sheamus©

Backstage with Vince McMahon and Big Johnny. 

Tonight we will have a Fatal Four way match to find out who will take the injured Alberto Del Rio's spot in the World Title match against Sheamus at No Way Out this Sunday.

It's decided that it will be Ziggler vs Swagger vs Christian vs Khali. Well, two of those guys deserve to be in the match. But as always, I will be cheering for my boy Ziggler.

Tensai beats the hell out of his follower, and nobody cares.

You could almost hear the sound of indifference inside of the arena.

Backstage R-Truth admits that he sleeps with little Jimmy at night.

I'm not even going to get into that statement.

Big Show then hits Truth with the WMD out of nowhere. I guess we know how they are going to explain away Truth's injury. The only question is, will he be replaced as Kofi's tag partner or will they be stripped of the titles?

Santino & Layla vs Ricardo Rodriguez & Beth Phoenix

Ricardo in a wrestling match on Raw? YES! YES! YES! And just when I thought that I wasn't going to have Ricardo on my TV with Del Rio being hurt. There is a god after all.

The match was too short to matter though. I wanted more interaction between Santino and Ricardo. But I smell a match being added to No Way Out this Sunday. I can hope, right?

Finish: Beth Phoenix hits the Glam Slam on the Diva's Champion to pick up the win.

Winner: Beth Phoenix & Ricardo Rodriguez

Post Match: Santino strips the dress shirt off of Ricardo to reveal a purple Justin Beiber T-Shirt that was at least two sizes too small. Easy gag, but still funny.

Backstage Kofi wants revenge for what Big Show did to R-Truth. 

Big Johnny in an effort to put on compelling television so he can keep his job, makes a match between the two for tonight...inside of a Steel Cage!

Just thinking about what Kofi can do in a cage has me excited. Maybe I should use a different choice of words. What am I saying? We both know he is getting crushed tonight.

Daniel Bryan and CM Punk continue to sell their match for this Sunday.

That being said if you weren't already hyped to see it, I don't want to live on this planet with you. The addition of Kane means that it probably wont be a classic like they had at Over The Limit, but I think they can find plenty of ways to creatively mix him in.

Kane comes out, followed by the even more insane AJ.

AJ takes the mic and precedes to testify about the crushes she has on all three men. She then says that on Sunday she knows "The best man will win". Big Johnny then pops onto the Titan Tron and makes a tag match for tonight, CM Punk & AJ vs Daniel Bryan & Kane.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger vs. Christian vs. Khali

Christian joins Rick Rude as one of the only guys to be on two separate companies television programs in a 24 hour period. It's kind of surreal if you think about it. 

Even with the inclusion of Khali, this was the match of the night. Once it got down to Ziggler and Christian, It really picked up. It's amazing what happens when you put two great workers in the ring together and just let them wrestle. I would love to see a feud between them if it means we get action like this on a regular basis.

Finish: Christian comes off the top and hurts his already injured ankle. Ziggler then quickly nails the Zig Zag to earn a shot at the World Title at No Way Out.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Post Match: Ziggler celebrates on his way up the ramp and yells out "It's about damn time!", indeed it is. Sheamus then walks out onto the stage and has a stare down with The Show Off.

I see a show getting stolen on Sunday. Del Rio getting injured is the best thing that could happen to Ziggler. He has been finally handed the ball, and can now show the world what he can do.

Vince McMahon is approached by, and ends up dancing with the Funkadactyls.  

This is the kind of crap that turns me off in wrestling. I value reality over cheesy entertainment, and I know I'm not alone in thinking that. I mean does WWE always keep Brodus Clay's theme music and night club style lighting ready to go at a moment's notice? Why not lower the disco ball while they were at it? Who thinks this stuff is what wrestling fans want to see? Oh yeah, Vince McMahon does..

Ryback vs.  Willard Fillmore & Rutherford Hayes

Ok, I thought last weeks jobbers Aurther Rosenberg & Stan Stanski had awesome names, but these guys have to be the winners. Willard Filmore is a take off oonour 13th President Millard Fillmore, and Rutherford Hayes is the name of our 19th Commander in Cheif. Whoever decided to use those names deserves a raise. I love United States history, so I found this to be fantastic.

As for the match, all I can say is Squashamania is running wild, brother!!!

Finish: Ryback with his two man Samoan Drop picks him up another easy win. Like you didn't see that one coming.

Winner: Ryback

Vince McMahon makes a fool out of Jim Ross once again. 

It's at this point that I get really pissed off. Hornswoggle and Vince are backstage watching the footage from Smackdown of 'Swoggle doing his best Jim Ross impression. Vince decides he can do it better and grabs the famous black cowboy hat, puts it on, and pretends he too has been hit with several debilitating bouts of Bells Palsy by drooping his face. He then goes on with his mockery of JR by doing one of his classic calls.

This is why I have grown to hate Vince McMahon. The man is a fucking tyrant. Wasn't making fun of one persons handicap enough for one episode? Isn't this the same behavior that they have put all of their effort into ending? What kind of hypocrites have these people become? He picks on peoples disabilities just to make himself laugh. He really finds this stuff funny. What a jackass this guy is.

I am done with Vince McMahon as a wrestling character. If I never see him again in another storyline I will die happy. The time of his 'evil boss' persona have come and gone. So why even have him on the show anymore?

Cage Match: Big Show vs. Kofi Kingston

What can I say? Kofi got destroyed as predicted.

Winner: The Big Show

Sin Cara vs Curt Hawkins

This match wasn't bad. At least it was better than my expectations. I'm a fan of Curt Hawkins, and Sin Cara is a lot better than he is sometimes given credit for. I just cant ever see myself getting fully behind Sin Cara. He is a lot like Taka Michinoku in 1997, in that he is a foreign guy being brought in to showcase a certain style. But like Taka, I'm sure that before long he will vanish from the WWE to never be seen again.

Winner: Sin Cara

Vader vs Heath Slater


If someone was to ask me what I thought was going to happen on tonight's show, Vader vs Heath Slater wouldn't possibly enter mind. And the match wasn't half bad either. Slater played his part well, and Vader proved to be the same force he was all those years ago. The guy has barely changed!

Finish: Vader Bomb puts an end to the One Man Boy Band.

Winner: Vader

Just when I was starting to cool off from McMahon's earlier actions, they show a Be A Star commercial. 


CM Punk & AJ vs. Daniel Bryan & Kane

I enjoyed the story that was told in this match. Punk tried to keep himself in the match to protect AJ, and Bryan and Kane worked him over. It was basic, but well done. Before long AJ was accidentally tagged in as Punk was knocked into the corner. AJ then starts to skip circles around Kane like the bat shit crazy chick she is, before leaping into Kane's arms and giving him a nice long kiss. Kane then stands in stunned silence for a minute before tagging in Bryan and leaving ringside.

Finish: After Kane leaves, Punk is tagged back in and he takes Bryan out and finishes him off with a flying elbow drop.

Winners:  CM Punk & AJ

Vince McMahon's final review of John Laurinaitis.

See, Vince McMahon even bullys the mayor of bullyville. I find it funny that Laurinaitis is being judged by an episode that would've been good, IF NOT FOR VINCE MCMAHON!!! He is the reason this show has fell several points in my opinion. But, it's his show so what can we do?

Fast forward, Big Show and John Cena come out to the ring. Vince says that he will be at No Way Out (joy) and if Big Show loses, he is going to fire Laurinaitis. Show and Cena begin to fight, and in the end McMahon ends up getting knocked out by the Big Show on accident.

I don't give two shits about this match now. I was only mildly into it before they added McMahon to the mix. Now all I can think about is that I have to see Vince at least one more time. It's like they are trying to get me to not order the PPV. I was going to miss it regardless, but now I'm happy that I will be saving my money.
And the worst part is, everyone knows that Cena/Show is going to be the main event. There are not one, but two potentially awesome World Title matches on the show, but they will be pushed down the card to make room for this crap.

Give me a break.

Final Verdict: I can't remember a time that I was more angry with a wrestling show. And I put the blame at the feet of Vince McMahon. He alone ruined what would have otherwise been a decent show. And if this is what I have to look forward to with Raw going 3 hours permanently, You can forget it. I will still watch because I'm a masochist, but this review at the very least will be overhauled. I can't see myself having to suffer through this shit, and attempt to give my thoughts on it without violently ripping out my hair. 

This episode can kiss my ass. Maybe I'll even start a club...

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