Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Raw Review 3/5/2012

1. We are Live and we start off with Mr. Wrestlemania!!! I will never get tired of seeing Shawn Michaels. I just cant.

HBK praises Hunter's choice to not only accept the match with Taker, but up the ante by making it a Hell in a Cell match. The Showstopper then calls out Triple H to tell him to his face how proud he is of him.

Out comes Triple H. Once he gets to the ring, Michaels continues to lay it on thick, and Im starting to see where this is going.

HBK then shows footage from two weeks ago with Taker saying that Shawn was better than HHH, and how angry that made the Cerebral Assassin. When we come back from the video Shawn is staring a hole through the Game. HBK wants to know why that pissed him off so much.

Triple H says he was tired of hearing people say that Shawn couldn't get it done, and never was as good as he thought that he was. And it kills him to look at HBK as a loser. And that he will end the Taker's streak to somehow avenge Michaels.

Shawn responds by saying he thought they were gonna have a problem, but as always always HHH has everything under control.  He continues by saying that it killed him to have to look Hunter in the eye last year and tell him that he couldn't beat Taker. But in the end he knew who would win, and he was right. And this year will be the same...because he will be the guest ref!!

I just jizzed on my keyboard!! This should have happened last year, but better late than never. The build for this match is epic.

2. United States Title: Jack Swagger (c) vs Santino

This match barely gets under way, and Big Johnny and David Otunga walk out. Remember tonight Teddy Long is in charge of Raw, and this week on Smackdown John Laurinaitis takes over.

Otunga distracts Santino, who was about to unleash the cobra. This allows Dolph Ziggler to interfere on Swagger's behalf.

Out comes Teddy Long with Kofi Kingston and Aksana as we go to break.

We come back and the GM's are up in each others faces. Long pushes Johnny on his ass. Vicky Guerrero tries to distract Santino but Aksana shoves her down.

Back in the ring, where apparently there is a match going on, Santino rolls up Swagger and wins the US Title!!

Big Johnny gets on the mic and says that this is his show and the decision wont stand. Teddy Long reminds Laurinaitis that tonight he is the running the show and orders security to escort him and Otunga from the arena.

Long then proclaims that Santino is indeed the new US champion. Then Santino, Kofi, Long and Aksana do the stupid trumpet dance in the ring to celebrate.

Winner and new United States Champion: Santino

3. The Rock's history lesson #1

I cant even begin to keep up with The Rock in these segments. I will let the videos speak for themselves. I will say that The Great One is bringing his A game tonight, and John Cena needs to step the hell up. He has enough going against him in 27 days without looking like a fool.

4. Eve vs Alicia Fox

They dont give these girls any time. I would be suprised if it was longer than a minute.

Winner by Pinfall: Eve

Out comes Zack Ryder sporting a cane. He says that he is glad that he never hooked up with Eve and as always its Broskis before Hoskis. Indeed.

After the break Eve catches up with Ryder and plants a kiss on him that leaves Zack grinning from ear to ear. Even he cant be dumb enough to fall for that. Bogus.

5. John Cena is shown sitting in an empty arena, or as its sometimes called, a TNA house show. Thank you Mick Foley for that line. It never gets old.

We get calm and quiet John Cena tonight. He talks about how The Rock had said he would never return to WWE unless he had a great opponent to face. Then Cena cries over the Patriots losing at the Super Bowl. And that nobody remembers second place, So he must win at Wrestlemania.

This was a fail. Cena has to turn into the promo machine that I know he can be, if he wants to be on the same level as Dwayne going into Mania. This is not the way to do it.

6. CM Punk & Sheamus vs Chris Jericho & Daniel Bryan

We start with Punk and Jericho hooking it up!! Really good ring work by these two before Y2J scurries over to his corner and tags in Bryan. Punk then lets Sheamus in to test the World Champion.

Punk back in and he picks right back up where he and Bryan left off in their last few matches. I cant get enough of these two in the ring together, and I really hope that one day they get to have a full on program with each other.

We come back from a commercial break with Jericho working over Punk in the ring. CM Punk get to his corner and tags in Sheamus. Daniel Bryan distracts the Albino Dynamo long enough for him to eat a drop kick by Y2J which knocks him to the floor.

Nice low running dropkick on the outside to Sheamus by Bryan.

The end comes as Jericho tries for the Walls of Jericho on Punk, only to get reversed into a small package that Jericho turns over into a pin of his own.

After the match Y2J heads right over to the time keeper's table and grabs Punks WWE Title belt to show that he feels that he is the rightful owner of that championship.

Winners by Pinfall: Chris Jericho & Daniel Bryan

7. The Rock's History lesson # 2

8. The Miz vs The Big Show

Out comes Cody Rhodes. This time he shows a clip from Wrestlemania 18 where Show didn't even have a match, instead he was chosen to make an appearance at the old WWF New York restaurant, as was common with guys who were not chosen to compete at Pay Per Views.

Miz attacks early, but this one is already in the books. Miz charges into a Spear, followed by a WMD and this one is over. That might have been shorter than the Diva's match!

Can you guess who is still in the doghouse? If you said Mike Mizanin you would be correct. Cool new shirt though.

Winner by Pinfall: The Big Show

9. The Rock's History lesson # 3

10. The Truth vs Kane

Truth walks out talking to and giving high fives to an invisible "Little Jimmy". What's that you say? Little Jimmy isn't real? Well go ahead, you tell him!!

I cant help but love R-Truth. Im scared not to.

Another quick match, this is getting old. Chokeslam and it's over.

Winner by Pinfall: Kane

Kane goes for his pyro and Randy Orton's music hits. Truth with a slight distraction, gives way to an RKO that lays out Kane. Orton takes the mic and hovers over Kane. And much like was done to him on Smackdown, he responds by saying "Its good to be back" before leaving.

11. John Cena is Booed in his hometown!! Now that is cool as shit.

He starts with the same old crap about how the Rock is back. Which gets "Rocky" chants...in Boston...Ouch.

Cena then brags that he had the Rock shook up last week. He continues by saying that he wants the 'Real' Rock tonight. Not Dwayne.

Ask and you shall receive. The Rock wastes no time and charges right to the ring.

He begins by saying that when he sees him, he sees fear. And that he is taking everything away from Cena. And after he beats Cena's ass at WM it all goes away.

Around this time the crowd starts chanting 'tooth fairy', so either they turned back to the hometown boy or they are having fun at both of their expense. Not sure, but I sure love a Boston wrestling crowd.

The Rock continues by saying that if you strip away everything, including his movies and fame, he is still 6'4" 260 lbs. and will rip out his throat.

Even Helen Keller could see that Rocky is getting flustered and is having trouble. I dont know if its the crowd turn or if Cena has finally stepped up, but its happening.

Rocky ends by saying at Cena's core he is a little boy and will always be The Rock's bitch.

The Rock leaves and even with those parting words, you can see the momentum switch over to Cena. I doubted he could do it, but tonight John Cena showed he is up to the challenge.

After Rocky leaves, Cena takes out a sharpie and writes 6'4" 260 lbs on his arm to mock Rock's notes from last week. He says he's not A bitch, he's the son of a bitch that is gonna whoop The Rock's ass!!

If the Rock says "Bring it", Cena just brought it!! Bravo.

The End.

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